She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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