i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
