I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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