physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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