I want to make a zoo with you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
