I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
