Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
