I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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