I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
