my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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