shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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