I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
