and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
