Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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