last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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