I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
