I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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