What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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