i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im six kinds of drunk right now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
