dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
