i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
