What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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