you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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