My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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