I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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