i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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