You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
