Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
