We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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