I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
