hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
