Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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