You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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