i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
