You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
