If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
