God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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