ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
