I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
