i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
