Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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