i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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