1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
