Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
