So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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