Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
