He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
