So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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