This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want her autograph on my taint
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
