yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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