Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
