oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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