i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
