My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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