Wipe that smile off your face.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one