I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.