Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
