ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.