Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too