i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
