How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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