Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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