ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
