Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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