you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
