dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
