I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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