I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just invented taco cereal.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
