Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
