i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I believe in your delicious
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
