LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
