I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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