A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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