Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
