Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
