the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You may now shotgun with the bride
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
